Most women my age beat themselves up over their childless circumstances. In American culture, 30 seems to be the acceptable age for moving into the family-building facet of life. Women feel like they have to be married by 30, have a baby by 30, own a house by 30, be in a stable career by 30. The reality of these challenging times is that most people aren’t even self sufficient by 30.
The fact of the matter is that most grown adults are still dependent on their families to survive. Gone are the days of the Baby Boomers where a teacher or a mechanic could afford to support a family and there was such a thing as employment security. Nowadays, we have grown adults with families of their own who receive continued financial support for various reasons stemming from economic inflation and mental health issues. And in this age of entitlement, it’s becoming the norm for grown adults to expect their parents to pay their mortgage, student loans, health care; then they have children and expect their parents to pay for them too.
That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with parents who want to help their kids, regardless of age. But that reality is a mere fantasy to others. For the rest of us who have to support ourselves— truly support ourselves— bringing a child into the world isn’t the smartest decision just yet.
We also live in a technological era that causes us to want everything now. It’s to the point we are destroying the planet at alarming rates simply for immediate gratification. How will this pan out for future generations?
These are a few factors I consider when I think about procreation:
Environmental Security: Now this is a hard one because most of it is out of my control. But I think about it a lot, which means it’s an important factor to creating life on this planet. It makes me so upset to go to the beach and see endless amounts of litter blowing by my blanket in the sand. I pick up other people’s trash constantly. I read about the devastating state of our oceans. I know about overpopulation and the earth’s dwindling resources. This is all common, accessible knowledge. And yet, people continue to litter, to ignore conservation efforts, and destroy the very world they bring their children in to live. It makes no sense to me. So I do my part, and when the time comes, my future children will do theirs. At this point, nothing less should be tolerated.
Financial Security: I’ve been asked a few times why I do “all this.” Well, number 1 because I can only rely on myself. The more trades I am able to work, the more likely I am to not only survive, but to thrive. People can achieve a certain level of success and lose it all within a matter of months. You can assume that the relationship you’re in will last forever, but patterns of marriage and divorce in America prove otherwise. When you don’t have people underneath you holding a safety net made of cash, this reality is enough to make you put the breaks on starting a family prematurely. This is a sink or swim economy. Sinking alone is one thing; sinking with an innocent life that depends on you is quite another. For me, being a parent means I am required to swim, and swim well. But I admit, I have high standards. If it’s not good enough for me, it certainly won’t be good enough for my offspring.
Emotional Security: Too often I see women have babies simply because of co-dependency issues. They just want someone to love them unconditionally. What better plan than to have a tiny person “need” them? What they fail to recognize, however, is that it’s the parent who is supposed to love the child unconditionally. The parent isn’t supposed to be the one “needing”; the parent should be the one teaching and leading. A child shouldn’t be the one expected to support the parent. This creates toxic patterns that will affect the emotional stability of the child well into adulthood and possibly the rest of his or her life if left untreated.
Furthermore, the child is a separate person from the parent, with his or her own likes, dreams, and aspirations. No one wants to be a vessel for their parent to live through, especially when he or she doesn’t even like the same things. I am not done living my own life. There are still personal accomplishments I’m striving to achieve and until I have done that, I won’t bring a child into this world. For me, forcing the things I didn’t do onto a child isn’t good enough. It’s not good enough for me, and it certainly isn’t good enough for them.
In my opinion, we’re at a point in society where Darwinism is at its best: survival of the fittest. We must learn to adapt to changing times in an era where our very world disintegrating beneath our feet due to the negligence of political leadership, artificial intelligence (AI) is replacing jobs left and right, and depression and anxiety are at an all-time high due to lack of mental health care. This may seem pessimistic, but I don’t believe it is. It’s reality. And it’s the reason I am alright without children for now.
For those who feel societal pressure to fit into this unrealistic cookie-cutter scenario of kids by 30: have the courage to walk your own path. Trying to control divine timing will only lead to karmic situations. I’m sure in a few years I’ll post another blog about the joys of motherhood and all the wonderful feelings that come along with it, because I do want a family. Though only on my terms, and in the very best conditions I can provide. Don’t all children deserve that from their parents?
Recommended healing crystals:
Carnelian: grounding stone to embrace reality and the cycle of life; motivates positive choices that lead to success
Fire agate: grounding stone that promotes inner security; helps heal unresolved emotional issues
Ammonite: ancient mollusc of the sea that is now a fossilized shell; awakens Kundalini energy and provides clarity of the bigger picture