Why I’m Alright Without Children After 30

Why I’m Alright Without Children After 30

Most women my age beat themselves up over their childless circumstances. In American culture, 30 seems to be the acceptable age for moving into the family-building facet of life. Women feel like they have to be married by 30, have a baby by 30, own a house by 30, be in a stable career by 30. The reality of these challenging times is that most people aren’t even self sufficient by 30.

The fact of the matter is that most grown adults are still dependent on their families to survive. Gone are the days of the Baby Boomers where a teacher or a mechanic could afford to support a family and there was such a thing as employment security. Nowadays, we have grown adults with families of their own who receive continued financial support for various reasons stemming from economic inflation and mental health issues. And in this age of entitlement, it’s becoming the norm for grown adults to expect their parents to pay their mortgage, student loans, health care; then they have children and expect their parents to pay for them too.

That’s not to say there’s anything wrong with parents who want to help their kids, regardless of age. But that reality is a mere fantasy to others. For the rest of us who have to support ourselves— truly support ourselves— bringing a child into the world isn’t the smartest decision just yet.

We also live in a technological era that causes us to want everything now. It’s to the point we are destroying the planet at alarming rates simply for immediate gratification. How will this pan out for future generations?

These are a few factors I consider when I think about procreation:

Environmental Security: Now this is a hard one because most of it is out of my control. But I think about it a lot, which means it’s an important factor to creating life on this planet. It makes me so upset to go to the beach and see endless amounts of litter blowing by my blanket in the sand. I pick up other people’s trash constantly. I read about the devastating state of our oceans. I know about overpopulation and the earth’s dwindling resources. This is all common, accessible knowledge. And yet, people continue to litter, to ignore conservation efforts, and destroy the very world they bring their children in to live. It makes no sense to me. So I do my part, and when the time comes, my future children will do theirs. At this point, nothing less should be tolerated.

Financial Security: I’ve been asked a few times why I do “all this.” Well, number 1 because I can only rely on myself. The more trades I am able to work, the more likely I am to not only survive, but to thrive. People can achieve a certain level of success and lose it all within a matter of months. You can assume that the relationship you’re in will last forever, but patterns of marriage and divorce in America prove otherwise. When you don’t have people underneath you holding a safety net made of cash, this reality is enough to make you put the breaks on starting a family prematurely. This is a sink or swim economy. Sinking alone is one thing; sinking with an innocent life that depends on you is quite another. For me, being a parent means I am required to swim, and swim well. But I admit, I have high standards. If it’s not good enough for me, it certainly won’t be good enough for my offspring.

Emotional Security: Too often I see women have babies simply because of co-dependency issues. They just want someone to love them unconditionally. What better plan than to have a tiny person “need” them? What they fail to recognize, however, is that it’s the parent who is supposed to love the child unconditionally. The parent isn’t supposed to be the one “needing”; the parent should be the one teaching and leading. A child shouldn’t be the one expected to support the parent. This creates toxic patterns that will affect the emotional stability of the child well into adulthood and possibly the rest of his or her life if left untreated.

Furthermore, the child is a separate person from the parent, with his or her own likes, dreams, and aspirations. No one wants to be a vessel for their parent to live through, especially when he or she doesn’t even like the same things. I am not done living my own life. There are still personal accomplishments I’m striving to achieve and until I have done that, I won’t bring a child into this world. For me, forcing the things I didn’t do onto a child isn’t good enough. It’s not good enough for me, and it certainly isn’t good enough for them.

In my opinion, we’re at a point in society where Darwinism is at its best: survival of the fittest. We must learn to adapt to changing times in an era where our very world disintegrating beneath our feet due to the negligence of political leadership, artificial intelligence (AI) is replacing jobs left and right, and depression and anxiety are at an all-time high due to lack of mental health care. This may seem pessimistic, but I don’t believe it is. It’s reality. And it’s the reason I am alright without children for now.

For those who feel societal pressure to fit into this unrealistic cookie-cutter scenario of kids by 30: have the courage to walk your own path. Trying to control divine timing will only lead to karmic situations. I’m sure in a few years I’ll post another blog about the joys of motherhood and all the wonderful feelings that come along with it, because I do want a family. Though only on my terms, and in the very best conditions I can provide. Don’t all children deserve that from their parents?

Recommended healing crystals:

Carnelian: grounding stone to embrace reality and the cycle of life; motivates positive choices that lead to success

Fire agate: grounding stone that promotes inner security; helps heal unresolved emotional issues

Ammonite: ancient mollusc of the sea that is now a fossilized shell; awakens Kundalini energy and provides clarity of the bigger picture

 

 

More Money, More Problems

More Money, More Problems

People are too quick to believe that money solves all problems. The sentiment is that if more money would come in, then everything would be fine. Everything. There would be no more fighting, the bills would be paid, worries would cease to exist and life would be grand. This dogma has often backfired, leaving people railing against the current of life wondering why fortune (and sometimes fame) isn’t enough. Money is power, and with power comes great responsibility. How you choose to use money reveals if your ego is in charge, or you are.

More money, more problems— it’s no lie. The more you make, the more people enter your life in ways that could bear fruit, or end with a knife in your back. The sad truth is that naiveté will often leave you bleeding on the ground. Money has the ability to throw all the rules of civility out the window. It creates an egocentric landscape where everyone is out for themselves, where comradery only counts when life in on an upswing, and many people you called friends are now frenemies. Whether there was “team” or not doesn’t matter. Any successful business person has a story or two about horrible partnerships. Money is food for the ego. And if you’re not careful, it can land you in a trap of your own nightmare, or someone else’s.

Feeding the ego can become an addiction. Whether it’s shopping, gambling, alcohol, or drugs, there’s always another hit to be had. The endless spending is a physical manifestation of filling a void. What void depends on the individual. But there’s a void present nonetheless. The fleeting moment of happiness when buying something new, or having another drink, or taking another hit wears off fast. The emptiness expands quicker than your wallet empties. And when you have more money, it flies out faster to get something else to distract you from what’s really going on. It’s futile.

This is how the seemingly rich lose everything, even their lives. I’ve often heard people flabbergasted at how so and so lost their ass when they had “so much money!” Money isn’t infinite. And if you’re constantly spending it feeding your ego, the ego grows strong. Doesn’t matter how many hours you put in, the ego will outrun you. You’ll be left choking on dust, trudging along with heavier baggage on your shoulders.

Money has the ability to create an insatiable ego. No matter how much there is, it’s never enough. Another pair of shoes, another bag, more decor, a newer car, another bump, another round, a  bigger party, a bigger house: the list is endless. It seems the more you have, the less satisfied you become. There’s so much unhappiness permeating the homes of the rich. This is why you can find the best drugs in the biggest mansions.

The money makes them feel they have nothing left to learn. They hide behind the ego. What else is there if you can buy anything you want, even the judge and the jury.

No amount of money, or drugs, or material possessions will heal trauma. The more you try, the more pain you perpetuate into your current life. Families break apart. Relationships that could’ve been lifelong, whether love, platonic, or business, get destroyed by feeding the ego. The debt becomes overwhelming, and some people end up with nothing and no one.

Money won’t fix trauma. Doesn’t matter if you were born into money, or acquired it on your own, it won’t mend a single thing. Problems are just exacerbated with an influx of cash. The only way to heal is to do the inner work. To face to demons from your past, grieve the losses, and start building the solid foundation of your true identity is the only way to find stability in who you are, with or without money. Otherwise, you remain corruptible. And if there’s one sure thing about money, it’s that it will corrupt the corruptible.

Everyone has some amount of trauma. Whether you decide to live with it and the involuntary actions that stem from the pain is a personal choice. But know this— money won’t fix it, it will just make it worse. We see it everyday on television, in the homes of our friends, even in our own. You are no exception. We can choose to live in the light of truth, to face our past with courage and honesty, and heal the wounds that would otherwise overcome us. Then nothing could stand in the way of our growth. Standing strong in our identity makes it harder for the ego to rule. This space is where we are free to focus on creating the dreams for our future. Prosperity flourishes there.

Healing crystal recommendations:

Gold Pyrite (Fool’s Gold): Aids in overcoming feelings of inadequacy and boosts confidence; helps to see the truth behind the facade.

Mahogany Obsidian: A stone of growth and soul healing; brings flaws and negative energies to the surface in order to dispel them.

Cinnabar (Dragon’s Blood): The super abundance stone; aids in selling, aligns energy center, and releases blockages to prosperity. 

To the Troubled Some

To the Troubled Some

 troub“The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven,” says Satan in Paradise Lost as he tries to make the best of his banishment. And that’s the devil for you. Doesn’t matter what you believe in, evil is human nature’s fundamental flaw. Most people are able to keep it at bay, mostly because they’ve been exposed to more good than bad. Life blesses some people that way. Others know nothing but pain and struggle. Fear and anxiety. It becomes so common it’s a normal way of life. The only way, so it seems. For the troubled and tormented, there was never a paradise to lose. 

It’s basic psychology that how you grow to perceive the world lies solely in the environment you’re born into. It’s luck of the draw really. Some call is fate. Others call it karma. Why we come into this world with the reality we’re faced with has been a topic of research since the dawn of conscious thought. Some people are perfectly happy with next to nothing while others are drowning in the misery of their own materialism and lack of self love. The less fortunate seem to have endless suffering. Being planted in a garden of manure with little to no sunshine leaves a small chance for growth. 

One of my students said it best when she told me “these kids have nothing to live for.” Unfortunately for troubled some, this statement is true. Living in poverty, violence, disappointment, anxiety, and hardened sadness has the ability to turn anyone, no matter how good their intentions may be. There is no self care. It’s hard to find the light when you’re buried under the burning barrel of a gun. It seems like the only option is to play in the fire. 

Regardless of the circumstance, everyone is given a choice of which road to take. We either go down the road of the same pain we grew up with because it’s familiar, or we take our chances on the unknown in hopes of a better life. This sounds like an easy enough choice, but it’s harder than it sounds. The latter is scarier because it’s more work, less familiar, and the outcome is unknown. We prefer to stick to what we know, even if what we know we know isn’t right, or even what we really want. 

For some people living for themselves apparently isn’t enough. Somewhere down the line, the troubled were taught that they weren’t good enough, smart enough, strong enough. Somewhere down the line the troubled were taught there was only one way, this path of pain, and that paradise was exiled for them from the very beginning. It’s too hard to believe, then, when someone tries to lead you to light. Learning isn’t very difficult, but unlearning is a task only the strong will take on. 

And if they refuse, then that is their path to take and choice to make. Unfortunately the ones who need the most love are the same people you should stay away from. This is where the word “toxic” comes in. People will play their pain onto everyone, and if you’re not careful, you’ll get sucked into the vortex and dragged down to their personal hell. How deep this goes depends on the person. How far you’re willing to stray from your own truth and value is tested. We’re all on a journey of choice and consequence. Do your best to stay on your own path. 

It’s true that you can’t change anyone, you can only change yourself. There are some real angels in the world who will try and lead the inflicted to light, but ultimately the acceptance of guidance can only be granted by the person to whom it’s offered. If a person wants to suffer, then suffering it is. As time goes by, the offers and chances dwindle like a candle burns through wax. And then only darkness ensues. 

So choose the path of the light, no matter how dim it may seem. Dark tunnels lead to a brighter endings. We may not know what’s outside, but we definitely know what is in— darkness. And is that really something you want to live with forever? The choice is yours. 

Recommended Crystals: 

 Clear Quartz

Smoky Quartz

Pyrite

Want to read more like this? Check out To the Broken Being. 

 

Your True Self Will Come Into Light With Trust

Your True Self Will Come Into Light With Trust

This message speaks to those who have recently gone through, or are going through, a time of self reflection. You may feel like you’ve lost your true self in the previous months, even years. This loss of self may have been triggered by outside influences, such as work, relationships, family, or a new group of friends. Whatever the seeming cause, there is something inside of you that needs to be reckoned with.

The dark mirror isn’t necessarily a bad thing. In fact, it is better than the clear mirror which only reflects back the shallow surface. If you smile, your reflection smiles. It’s easy to mask what is really going on internally. The dark mirror, however, forces you to address the issues you wish to conceal, for only when you face challenges can you overcome them. Don’t be afraid. Everyone has issues they keep inside. It takes more strength to address the pain residing in our true self then to repress it. Once you do, the healing can begin and you can learn to trust yourself again, or maybe for the very first time. Only then will your true self be revealed to you and to the world. This is how we begin leading an authentic life.

Ways to self examine: Do you like the friends you surround yourself with? Are you doing healthy activities together? Do you like your job? What steps are you taking to reach your goals? Do you conceal how you really feel in your relationships? Do you talk negatively about yourself? Do your actions align with your words? Do your actions align with your future goals? Do memories from your childhood still make you cry? Are there some memories you physically can’t discuss? Do you treat your body with respect? Do you treat others with respect?

These questions will get you thinking about the areas in your life that could use healing energy.

Currently, spirit is urging you to not accept things at face value. I am receiving that for some this is a very personal experience of avoiding your true self because it’s going to be very painful to address the issues that have been repressed. If you find yourself blaming others for the mishaps of your life, this part is for you. Blaming is an easy fix which takes the focus off of ourselves. This is in the shallows, and you are being called to dive deep. It is ok to not take any action at this time. Gather information about yourself and take a serious inventory on your life and how you ended up in this mental or emotional place without placing blame on friends or lovers, even family. There comes a point in our lives when we must forgive and release even the most heinous acts of our caretakers.

For others I am getting a different message. There is something going on in your life in which another party may be attempting to take advantage of your trusting nature. “The Unseen” cautions you to ask questions, dive deeper. You are being guided to ask someone with more experience about the situation, as well as use your gut feeling. If it’s too good to be true, it is. Period. It may seem like a quick fix, something that will “bring” happiness. But you are being called to remember that nothing is easy, and trying to talk yourself into believing it is will not make it so, no matter how badly you want it. Do the necessary work to uncover all that is hidden, even if it makes the other person angry or uncomfortable. Anger and discomfort in others only shows you that there is something hidden. I am getting that now is the time to set firm boundaries. Do not allow future suffering in your life just to make another happy in the immediate.

Conchomancy is calling you to move forward on your own spiritual practice. Water connects us with our emotional energy and you are being called to do exactly that. Go to the beach and search for seashells, but make sure it is clear of anything living! Take in the healing energy of the wind and water. Pick up litter to show gratitude to the earth for providing life. I am receiving that some of you are drawn to seashell patterns in the home already. Now is the time to research their meaning and use their power for your own personal healing. This will propel you forward! It will help you discover your authentic self, and assist in making better life decisions which will bring you great happiness.

For others, seashells are not your thing. That is fine! You may have been curious about crystal healing. This is the time to move forward on learning and collecting crystals to add to your self-evolution journey! You do not have to have all the answers to get started. I am guided to suggest an abalone shell to this group, and for those who have pearls, wear them! These small moves towards self care will provide great clarity in your self evaluation and emotional healing!

#trust #trueself #identity #selfevaluation #clarity

The Love You Seek is Seeking You

The Love You Seek is Seeking You

All readings are timeless. The Divine sends us messages when we are ready to hear them.

This is a message of self love in order to connect with universal love. This reading is for those who are having trouble seeing the true beauty in themselves due to cultural expectations, societal norms, or simply from past trauma. The energy imbalance here is what is causing separation because you and the love that you are seeking.

The first card is Coral’s Wisdom. Just like coral constructs slowly beneath the waves, so does building our true selves from deep within. We develop slowly and naturally, going through many life transformations as time passes in order to grow into our true being. Many times this process seems stuck. Here I’m seeing someone who is trying to conform into a situation that isn’t part of their true self. It is natural to want to fit in; it’s actually human nature to want acceptance. Sometimes, however, the people or places you’re wanting acceptance from aren’t right for who you really are. These experiences are here for a reason. It is to teach you about your true self, and push into the transformative energy that will help you grow into the person you were put here to be. With this growth you will find a self love that is so purely unconditional that the right people naturally come to you. Don’t fear change and rebirth of the self. With each awakening, you get closer and closer to finding what truly feeds your soul. This card is a number 4, signifying the solid foundation on which to build. Number 4 takes an idea and brings it to life. You’ve done well constructing yourself thus far— keep going in ways that are true to who you are!

In the present position is Beauty. This card represents the beauty within and without. It speaks of what you put out into the world, your natural gifts of expression, and embracing the intricacies that make you who you are. It is time to cultivate your passions. It is time to nurture your individual beauty. If you spend too much time in the morning straightening curly hair, it’s time to allow your curls to breathe. Give yourself more time to care for your soul, rather than the ideals of a society that doesn’t appreciate diverse beauty. Spend more time doing things you love instead of what others expect from you. The more effort we put into nurturing our true selves, the more beautiful we become. Our light begins to shine outward and we inspire those around us to do the same. The Beauty card is calling for you to focus on yourself right now. Focus on self care, forming rituals of beauty that feel right to you, and cultivate the natural talents that make you, you! Forget about the standards others put on you. Forget about societal standards. You were put here to inspire others with your natural gifts. Take this time to find the beauty within. This card is in the position of 1. 1 represents beginnings, further exemplifying the need to start going within to find your true passions and nurture those gifts!

The Yearning card is in the future position, but I sense this is a feeling currently happening. This longing may be for someone you have already met, or have yet to meet. Some may be yearning for a love they haven’t found but are anxious to find. Others are feeling the sting of separation from someone they’ve already met. There is an energy here that this separation is meant for the two of you to grow. You need this time apart in order to develop into your true selves. Although nobody likes pain, it pushes us to understand our greater purpose and to give us the space to grow in order to continue building the person we were meant to be. Although the feeling sucks, would you rather feel an even deeper pain of being with someone who wasn’t ready for you, or vice versa, hurting someone you love because you weren’t ready for them? This card is acknowledging that there is a soul connection, but it’s just not the right time for you. However, if you make healthy choices, focus on developing yourself, nurture your true being and grow into the beautiful individual you were meant to be and shine that light outward, guess what? This separation will cease to exist. Those who are meant for us will not pass us by. Trust in divine timing. This card is placed in the 4 position representing ideas taking shape. There is a reason for this longing and separation.

All together, the cards add up to a number 9! Nines represent the end of a cycle. You are releasing some old ways of viewing yourself and your position in the world and are being called to embrace who you truly are. Rejoice in this energy! The love you seek is seeking you.

Healing crystal recommendation:

Rose quartz: attracts love of all kinds, especially self love

Abalone shell: heals emotional turmoil and brings peace of mind; develops confidence