What is it with lights and shiny things? The sparkle draws you in, tempting you with the unknown. This is the confession: my whole life I secretly desired the attention of being in love. Something boils deep inside me, a curiosity, a burning desire that I can’t seem to get in check. We tango in the red flickering light. We caminar in soft hues turned fluorescent blues; lead and follow in the ivory glow, the light I loved the most. It was soft, and its sparkle held a gleaming stare that ran right through my soul. I hadn’t tangoed in that light before. The ivory light that was warm and cold in unison, each step bringing a new temperature until the music stopped. 

You think the silence could crush you. The dull afterglow is a sad reminder that once there was music. How can it be now there’s nothing to step to? My thoughts are a rumbling thunder over my heart and lighting strikes it with fury. What is there to hear in a silent room?  I smile standing there alone, the sun peeking in through a window.

Ivory sparkles still linger on my skin. I miss the way it moved in the moonlight, glistening in the soft, still evening of the night. Standing in solitude, the sun sets on my face. Slowly, it begins to envelop me. The warmth grows within my body and projects back into the room. The ivory lingers in the shadows, backed into corner like a secret I no longer wish to know. 

It flickers. Beckoning to me, testing my will. I know that the desire can burn so bright it blinds you. So I keep my distance and watch the ivory sparkle and fade. 

We often become infatuated with stories we build of a person and the ideas of how things should be. We create illusions of a time that hasn’t been or may never be. Although it feels real, it isn’t. Some stories work out and other times it doesn’t. When it doesn’t we tend to become upset with the other person for not fitting into the stories we created. These moments are important for self growth. In this pain, we find out what we want, we realize what we don’t want, and what we need— actually need. There is a very distinct difference between feeding our fears and feeding our souls. 

We must peel back the layers of our hearts. We must toss aside the thick, defensive armor we built to protect ourselves from the brutality of others. This has to be released in order to give yourself all the things you desire from others, all the love and compassion you thought you needed from another person. For some, it won’t be simple. It will take practice and dedication and deep exploration. It will mean confronting childhood traumas, crying it out, release, and healing. It will be a process. But soon enough, you will be drawn to yourself. Like a moth to a flame, you’ll be free to follow the light except the flame will be your own, harmless and like a warm hearth at home in your heart.

In order to find the ones who treat us like we deserve we must change our personalities to reflect the qualities we want to attract from others. We must release negative self talk, self doubt, and lack of self respect. We must go inward, do the work, and project what we want into the world. Then, and only then, do we get what we’ve been looking for in our everyday life. 

To begin the process, identify the cause of heartbreak and pain. Who or what was the flame where you got burned? Focus only on yourself; leave the other person or circumstance out of the equation.What have you learned about your needs?