Moth To A Flame

Moth To A Flame

What is it with lights and shiny things? The sparkle draws you in, tempting you with sparks of the unknown. Something boils deep inside me, a curiosity, a burning desire that I can’t seem to get in check. We tango in the red flickering flame. We caminar in soft hues turned fluorescent blues; lead and follow in the ivory glow, the light I loved the most. It was soft, and its sparkle held a gleaming stare that ran right through my soul. I hadn’t tangoed in that light before. The ivory light that was warm and cold in unison, each step bringing a new temperature until the music stopped. 

You think the silence could crush you. The dull afterglow is a sad reminder that once there was music. How can it be now there’s nothing to step to? My thoughts are a rumbling thunder over my heart and lighting strikes it with fury. What is there to hear in a silent room?  I smile standing there alone, the sun stealing flames through my window.

Ivory sparkles still linger on my skin. I miss the way it moved in the moonlight, glistening in the soft, still evening of the night. Standing in solitude, the sun sets on my face. Slowly, it begins to envelop me. The warmth grows within my body and projects back into the room. The ivory lingers in the shadows, backed into corner like a secret I no longer wish to know. 

It flickers. Beckoning to me, testing my will. I know that the desire can burn so bright it blinds you. So I keep my distance and watch the ivory sparkle and fade. 

We often become infatuated with stories we build of a person and the ideas of how things should be. We create illusions of a time that hasn’t been or may never be. Although it feels real, it isn’t. Some stories work out and other times it doesn’t. When it doesn’t we tend to become upset with the other person for not fitting into the stories we created. These moments are important for self growth. In this pain, we find out what we want, we realize what we don’t want, and what we need— actually need. There is a very distinct difference between feeding our fears and feeding our souls. 

We must peel back the layers of our hearts. We must toss aside the thick, defensive armor we built to protect ourselves from the brutality of others. This has to be released in order to give yourself all the things you desire from others, all the love and compassion you thought you needed from another person. For some, it won’t be simple. It will take practice and dedication and deep exploration. It will mean confronting childhood traumas, crying it out, release, and healing. It will be a process. But soon enough, you will be drawn to yourself. Like a moth to a flame, you’ll be free to follow the light except the flame will be your own, harmless and like a warm hearth at home in your heart.

In order to find the ones who treat us like we deserve we must change our personalities to reflect the qualities we want to attract from others. We must release negative self talk, self doubt, and lack of self respect. We must go inward, do the work, and project what we want into the world. Then, and only then, do we get what we’ve been looking for in our everyday life. 

To begin the process, identify the cause of heartbreak and pain. Who or what was the flame where you got burned? Focus only on yourself; leave the other person or circumstance out of the equation.What have you learned about your needs? 

Recommended crystals:

Hematite

Black Kyanite

Pyrite

Only Child Syndrome

Only Child Syndrome

“Are you an only child?” Every time I’m asked this question there’s always a feeling of dread that I’ve exposed some negative trait about myself. In my early years, I probably did do something that was selfish or bratty. I was oblivious to how I was perceived, but thinking only of my comfort and convenience was all I ever knew. Through no fault of my own, I am an only child.

As I got older I learned how to interact in close relationships through my friends who looked passed the “only child syndrome” straight into the heart of who I was. These friends became the siblings I never had, my truest, most loyal confidants. We fought, we cried, we got over it, and moved on. I grew as a person because of these friendships. 

It bothers me when people perceive only child-dom as a bad thing. Sure, we’re not used to sharing, and most of us are accustomed to getting what we want. But does our initial brattiness make us bad people? Absolutely not. In fact, there are some very positive traits of only children that are harder to find in people with siblings. 

1. We are fiercely independent.

Why? Because we have to be. Outside of our parents spoiling us, we’ve had to figure out how to navigate through life with our own brains. We didn’t have older siblings to watch and mimic, we didn’t have any sibling to help us do anything. It’s just me, myself, and I. This made us into adults who can figure things out alone. It made us incredibly resourceful, which leads us to:

2. We tend to be more creative.

Being an only child may have been lonely growing up, but it made us much more creative in the long run. We learned to entertain ourselves with our imagination. We learned how to problem solve alone. And our likes and dislikes? There was no copying a brother or sister because that person didn’t exist. So the things we like and do are really all about our secure sense of self. 

3. We are loyal friends. 

What happens when an only child finds a person to develop a strong bond with? That friend has the ability to grow into a pseudo- sister or brother. Since we don’t have siblings, our friends become our family. We cherish these relationships, especially because they don’t exist at home. 

4. Only children are more successful

Studies have repeatedly shown that only children spend more time around adults, developing faster cognitively and emotionally, since their sense of self is clearly defined and not in competition with siblings. Only children don’t have to “fit” into any family dynamic, and are therefore able to develop themselves more fully. We set the bar of achievement, no one else. What can be more empowering than that? 

I can tell you, there are some people I know who grew up with siblings who are far worse for wear than I ever was. They become frantic when something goes wrong, they vie for attention to the point of desperation, and can’t seem to stand on their own two feet to save their life. From an only child’s point of view, that behavior is weird. 

So the next time you come across an only child, don’t assume the worst. We learn how to share, we learn how to admit wrongdoings, we grow, and we cherish your friendship. 

Recommended crystals:

Rose Quartz

Pink Opal

Girasol Quartz