It’s happened. His presence annoys you more than it satisfies, you’re curious about other men, and where there was once a deep, longing look has now been replaced with constant eye rolling at everything he says and does. More than likely your relationship has hit a wall. If you’re unsure, read on for some tell-tale signs that it’s time to call it quits and move on with your life. 

You don’t want the same things for the future… or even now.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years? What about 10? If his vision doesn’t fit yours, then this relationship needs to end asap. It’s a huge waste of time. People who are vehement on not wanting kids, or staying financially complacent, or living in a certain area don’t change their mind miraculously just because you want them to. What happens it that you stick around sacrificing while they stay living in some fantasy land that you’re going to stop wanting the things you want. A financially complacent person doesn’t become ambitious; people that don’t want children might have kids and be neglectful, resentful parents (which sucks even more), and those who are rooted in a neighborhood you don’t want to live in and have told you multiple times they won’t move aren’t going anywhere. Don’t waste your time. Find someone who wants the same lifestyle as you. 

You close your eyes during sex and picture other men just to get off. 

LOL! How many of us have been here at the end of our relationship? Ladies, if you have to picture someone else then it’s time to go. It’s not fair to you, it’s not fair to him, and why live life in a lie? Sure it’s not cheating, but your relationship is at a point where even the sex can’t keep you together… that’s bad. You’re kicking a dead horse here. This is the type of feeling that turns into that god awful regret later on where you think about your ex and are disgusted by the thought you ever let him touch you. Don’t let it get bitter. Do the right thing: set this fool free. 

Everything he does annoys you, and not in the cute “we’ve been together so long” type of way.

Mad at how sloppy his house is? Annoyed at his mannerisms? Can’t stand the way he carries himself? Well, guess what— this is him. Nothing you do is going to change that. And if he does change, it will be temporarily. Besides, changing someone into who you want them to be isn’t love. His crudeness will be cute to someone meant for him. His disgusting house will be great for someone equally gross… or someone who wants serious mother duties. If you feel more embarrassed than compassionate to his behavior and lifestyle, run away. Run away now for the sake of both your sanities. 

There is emotional and/or physical abuse in the relationship. 

This is a no brainer. If he’s hitting you or you’re hitting him, not only should you both be in therapy but this relationship is toxic as hell. It doesn’t matter what he did or you did that was annoying or pushed boundaries, no one deserves abuse. Codependency issues are real, and life is short. Be the bigger, stronger adult. Get some help and leave.

You (or he) has cheated.

Another no brainer. I get that it’s easy to find affection elsewhere when things are going sour in the relationship, but save this for your teens and early 20s when your still trying to figure out life. Cheating is a direct insult to a partner and really shows a lack of respect and utter disregard to the relationship. If you, or your partner, has cheated, you may want to reconsider the relationship. Especially if this has happened on multiple occasions. Some marriages make it through an infidelity and when you’ve already tied your lives together it makes sense to work through it. But if you’re still dating and sleeping around (or vice versa), chances are this isn’t the person for you. Don’t waste your life seeking the attention of someone who desperately needs validation from everyone else. This isn’t your problem. It’s theirs.

Life is too short to stay in shitty relationships. Trying to change someone into who you want them to be isn’t going to work, but will fester a strong resentment in the relationship that will only grow with time. Do everyone involved a favor and know when to call it. It’s not quitting, it’s knowing that your time and energy can be of better use elsewhere. 

What was your tell-tale sign that a relationship was over?