The 40 Year Old Fuckboy

The 40 Year Old Fuckboy

Just to clarify, fuckboys don’t have to be 40. I think most people would agree that anything over 30 is ridiculous, especially because he is definitely not a boy anymore. 20 somethings might be able to get away with acting childish. After all, your 20s is the time to find yourself, make mistakes, fix them, learn from them, and grow the fuck up. 

But not enough men grow up these days, or they grow up slower than shit. And not in that cute man way that can be endearing. These 40 year old fuckboys continue to do drugs well into their 30s and 40s, party every weekend like they’re trying to die, prey on younger women because no grown ass woman in her right mind would ever look twice at them and go, “Wow, he’d make a great partner/ father!” No, the 40 year old fuckboy is a man child in arrested development. He objectifies women because somewhere down the line his mom let him down and he never got over it. 

This isn’t your fault ladies, and it’s not your job to fix. These are grown men. They are responsible for getting over their baggage so they can be good for themselves and you, not run around snorting coke every weekend, and DMing chicks behind your back because of their “low self esteem.” Get over it, fuckboy. See a therapist. 

At first, the 40 year old fuckboy can seem like a great time. He has lots of friends and always seems to know what’s poppin’ around town. But wait. This nigga’s old. Look a little deeper and here’s what you’ll probably find:

1. He skips out on his child support.

The 40 year old fuckboy is irresponsible and always has been. He has a kid (or more) and he hides his money so the courts can’t make him pay for the child that he helped create. He’ll probably give the “whoa is me” speech about his “bitch” baby mama and you’re a fool if you buy it. If this is how he talks about the mother of his child, you best believe you’ll be in the same boat should you not heed this major red flag. 

2. He’s an addict. 

No responsible grown man gets fucked up every weekend, let alone multiple times a week. No responsible grown man chooses drugs and alcohol over his own child, his girl, his life. This man has a problem. Run away as fast as you can. 

3. He still lives at home. 

I understand that the economy is rough. I get that life is hard. But for the love of god, move out of your parents’ house if you’re over 30! There are a few reasons for this: 1 is that the 40 year old fuckboy has a dead end job and doesn’t even make enough money to have a roommate; 2 is that his irresponsibility has put him in so much debt that even with a decent job he can’t afford basic necessities; 3 is that he spends his pathetic paycheck on drugs. Who needs that ladies? No one. 

4. He can’t keep a steady relationship to save his life. 

How many people has he dated in the last year? Or slept with? If you’re girl #godknowswhat this dude has emotional issues you don’t need to deal with. A grown man with a good head on his shoulders knows what he wants and doesn’t need to date McDonalds bitches until he finds his Michelin star woman. There are two kinds of 40 year old fuckboys here: the kind who drags women through the muck, unloading all his baggage on her; and the second who keeps himself at a far enough distance so no one gets close enough to see what a hot mess he really is. Don’t bother with either one. All you’ll get is frustration and wasted time. 

5. His social media is filled with semi-nudes. 

Need I say more? 

At the end of the day, the 40 year old fuckboy has so many unresolved issues he doesn’t even know where to start with himself let alone another human being. And the sad part about him being a grown ass man is that he never took the time to work on himself so he’s this perpetually immature, emotionally inept thing of a man. Thank god for the decent stepdads out there taking care of 40 year old fuckboys’ sons and showing them what manhood really means. 

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Check out When To Dump His Ass for more on cleaning out the dead weight.