Ahh, the dog mom. Meme makers everywhere describe it as the quintessential lifestyle. The perfect balance of freedom and responsibility. I wanted to be a dog mom so badly I somehow ended up with five. From youngest to oldest we have Sophie (big fluffy), Mike and Lulu (the twins), Chuck Norris (the bitch), and Old Man Reo. They are all large breed dogs.

It all happened after I lost my first puppy love, Venice. Luckily my fiancé and I were just getting serious at the time and it allowed me to take some time off to grieve and pull my shit together. I had just finished two graduate degrees, was teaching part time and just burned out like a firecracker in a rainstorm. In my time of grieving, we went out and adopted boy/girl twins from the SPCA. We’d be moving soon anyway; they’d grow with the space…

We were in a three bedroom condo in the Bay Area. Mike & Lulu are black lab/blue heeler mixes with contrasting personalities. Mike has that typical crazy boy energy and Lu is a perfect princess. Chuck, our bluenose pit, was raised on a farm. Mike went with her shortly after he became a dick. Bae always says we should’ve named him Richard. He was happier on land.  

Once the farm was sold, we needed somewhere else to go. Walking one or two dogs four times a day was ok. Trips to the dog park multiple times a week was doable. But now I had all four dogs in the house at the same time. The condo had to go.

The first few months in “the big house” were great. All the dogs were house trained and got along with one another. It was still a lot, but it was working. Then one day the love of my life decided to bring home a new surprise. 

Her name is Sophie. She’s a Newfie, a gentle giant. Accidents with Sophie are borderline catastrophic, so between potty training and Little Richard getting indignant because of her size, the time I pictured kicked back reading and tanning became hours of cleaning up accidents. Now I can forget the backyard altogether. It’s completely destroyed. Luckily we’re moving to our forever home with land very soon, and all will be set right with the world.

Sophie brought a whole new energy to the pack. There was more wrestling, more messes, more feeding, more vet bills. And more noise. So much more noise. 

A quiet day or night at home is almost non existent. One of them always needs

 something. Whether it’s food, water, to go outside, or attention, the proverbial “Mommy Mommy Mommy!” is always there. First thing in the morning one of them wakes me up whining. I’m constantly interrupted when I’m home— I can’t pee in peace, can’t work in peace, can’t sleep in peace. If I clean the floor, it’s dirty again in 20 minutes. Then I have to worry about them when I travel.

When we go out, we have a dog sitter. In fact, we have a daily dog walker come to the house since Bae is off building an empire and I decided to work full time this year. Without the attention everyday these dogs would destroy the house. I mean, they kind of already have, but between a daily dog walker, a weekly maid service, and me constantly picking up after them, our place stays nice. We also invested in an industrial strength carpet cleaner. 

Pet food costs an average of $300 a month. The pet sitting service is another $500 a month. Add $300 a month for a cleaning crew. 

Vet bills can costs you well into the thousands, or buy pet insurance for an average of $50 a month per dog. The cost of toys and bones accumulate. The loss of furniture, carpets, shoes, etc.— it all adds up. If your not financially stable, watch that bank account.  And if you’re not home a lot, the dog(s) will become unhappy and act out. Sounds a lot like I have kids.  

But I don’t. I’m just dog mom af. 

What’s your pet parent life like? Post below!